Erin Hamilton reading "Ella Was Here"

Erin Hamilton reading "Ella Was Here"

Tuesday, November 01, 2016

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Erin Hamilton

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  1. Smiles from Ella
    13 Dec, 2017
    Smiles from Ella
    It doesn't get easier. Each day that passes, the world seems to move on just a little bit more. If anything, this year is harder. I miss her and it hurts. I want her back. I want to buy her Christmas presents for her bedroom instead of flowers for her headstone. I want to watch her face light up at every Christmas tree, just like her brother's. I want her to cuddle with us on the couch. I want her to give her sister love and be so sweet to her the way Lennox is. I even want them to fight. It's
  2. Her Name Is Ella (Listen to Your Mother 2017 Reading)
    10 May, 2017
    Her Name Is Ella (Listen to Your Mother 2017 Reading)
    My dad and I were walking to our cars the night before their first birthday. He only said “what a year” as we walked in silence knowing all that those words held. He helped me put Lennox into the car before walking to his own and as I turned my key, instead of the usual static radio, Stairway to Heaven played softly through my car. I cried. As I drove with Lennox to my brother’s wedding, wishing my husband could be with us, wishing my daughter was with us, as we were on our way there – or on
  3. I Have Wisdom, Too!
    30 Mar, 2017
    I Have Wisdom, Too!
    "That I talk to dead people", she laughed.  This was the hardest topic for her to discuss openly.  People don't understand.  I do.  I've been trying to figure out how to write this story for months.  In the words of my beautiful friend, Linda Beushausen, spoken at Ella's funeral service, "This may stretch you beyond what you've ever really thought about or believed before."  It seems that's just what Ella does.  This is what I know. I'd been seeing Debra throughout my pregnancy with the twins
  4. Switching Places
    10 Feb, 2017
    Switching Places
    Three days before my C-Section, at Brad's parents' house, I ate 2 pieces of Chef Boyardee pizza that sent Ella and Lennox into a 2-hour somersault tournament. I was scared I was going into labor. Sitting in the recliner, hidden from the family by the Christmas tree, I was writhing in pain, trying to determine if I should tell someone to drive me to Kalamazoo. These babies moved all the time but never like this. Throughout my whole pregnancy, Ella was on my lower left side, ...head down and
  5. December
    01 Dec, 2016
    December
    Here we are.  Last year, the first of December brought the strangest combination of overwhelming anxiety, pure and real happiness, and terror.  All of those emotions resurface just a bit as I sit here on the cusp of this next December of firsts.  Lennox will turn one on the sixteenth.  He is a happy, funny, conniving, brilliant, loving, gentle boy for whom we are so grateful every day.  This boy has grown our hearts and they burst with pride and love again and again.   We will celebrate the day
  6. Ella's Name
    29 Oct, 2016
    Ella's Name
    One of the things I've really been looking forward to with Ella's Soapbox has been for someone to see me in public and say something like "oh, you're Ella's mom. I know about her!" That happened today. Thank you all for sharing Ella, her story and our purpose. It means more than you can imagine. I've said before that we experienced Ella and Lennox in a number of different ways throughout pregnancy and beyond. The first in a long line of stories begins with Ella's name. Brad and I had decided