10 May, 2017

My dad and I were walking to our cars the night before their first birthday. He only said “what a year” as we walked in silence knowing all that those words held. He helped me put Lennox into the car before walking to his own and as I turned my key, instead of the usual static radio, Stairway to Heaven played softly through my car. I cried. As I drove with Lennox to my brother’s wedding, wishing my husband could be with us, wishing my daughter was with us, as we were on our way there – or on

30 Mar, 2017

"That I talk to dead people", she laughed.  This was the hardest topic for her to discuss openly.  People don't understand.  I do.  I've been trying to figure out how to write this story for months.  In the words of my beautiful friend, Linda Beushausen, spoken at Ella's funeral service, "This may stretch you beyond what you've ever really thought about or believed before."  It seems that's just what Ella does.  This is what I know. I'd been seeing Debra throughout my pregnancy with the twins

10 Feb, 2017

Three days before my C-Section, at Brad's parents' house, I ate 2 pieces of Chef Boyardee pizza that sent Ella and Lennox into a 2-hour somersault tournament. I was scared I was going into labor. Sitting in the recliner, hidden from the family by the Christmas tree, I was writhing in pain, trying to determine if I should tell someone to drive me to Kalamazoo. These babies moved all the time but never like this. Throughout my whole pregnancy, Ella was on my lower left side, ...head down and

01 Dec, 2016

Here we are.  Last year, the first of December brought the strangest combination of overwhelming anxiety, pure and real happiness, and terror.  All of those emotions resurface just a bit as I sit here on the cusp of this next December of firsts.  Lennox will turn one on the sixteenth.  He is a happy, funny, conniving, brilliant, loving, gentle boy for whom we are so grateful every day.  This boy has grown our hearts and they burst with pride and love again and again.   We will celebrate the day

01 Nov, 2016

Listen to Your Mother Southwest Michigan Erin Hamilton reading "Ella Was Here" Read on 4/29/16

29 Oct, 2016

One of the things I've really been looking forward to with Ella's Soapbox has been for someone to see me in public and say something like "oh, you're Ella's mom. I know about her!" That happened today. Thank you all for sharing Ella, her story and our purpose. It means more than you can imagine. I've said before that we experienced Ella and Lennox in a number of different ways throughout pregnancy and beyond. The first in a long line of stories begins with Ella's name. Brad and I had decided