First Grade

She would be six and a half. She'd be starting first grade on Tuesday. I wonder what else she would be.

After finding out yesterday that he and Iris will have two recesses together this year, Lennox stopped and looked at me with his thoughtful, loving face and said "Wouldn't it be great if Ella was in our recess too, Mom?"

As summer winds down and I prepare to send two of my children to school, I also prepare to not send one. She is a part of - and missing from - every single one of our days. She will be at recess. She will be everywhere. And she won't.

There are so many things I will never do with Ella and every year I see more of what I'm missing. I know more than they do what Lennox and Iris are missing. I can't do anything to fix that. What I can do is keep her alive in us. I can keep her present in our family. I can share her with anyone who will listen. I can make soap and I can make connections, and hopefully, we can make some differences.

This is how I love my daughter.