Ella was here.
Ella’s Stories
Travel back through time with me as I navigated my grief, my love, the pain, and the beauty of loving and losing a daughter.
These stories are shared from my heart because whoever you are, I want you to know... Ella was here.
- Our Ninth DecemberDecember 1, 2024You are out in the world, my love, even though you were only in my arms.
- Guilt and KnowledgeOctober 1, 2024I've carried this with me for nine years. The possibility. The unknown. The guilt.
- Another DecemberDecember 1, 2023December arrived slowly and intentionally this year. Quietly, the days rolled over each other and this morning, December took my hand.
- On Bereaved Mother's Day, A Letter to My DaughterMay 7, 2023I dream of you. Whether or not I'm asleep, I dream of you. Thank you for the privilege of loving you.
- Our Seventh DecemberDecember 1, 2022Our seventh December. I've loved you for seven Decembers.
- Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness MonthOctober 1, 2022I got on stage five months after my daughter died to tell people that she was here.
- First GradeSeptember 2, 2022She would be six and a half. She'd be starting first grade on Tuesday. I wonder what else she would be.
- I carry your heartMay 1, 2022I carry her heart. Today is Bereaved Mother's Day. Every day, I am her mother.
- And We Keep Her in Our Safest PlacesDecember 4, 2021She is in all of us, and we keep her in our safest places.
- KindergartenFebruary 25, 2021This is why I carry her. I walk in her honor and I share her unapologetically.
- This Box of LoveDecember 1, 2020This box contains moments in time. Moments that I re-live regularly.
- That's My Baby SisterSeptember 15, 2020"That's my baby sister. I miss her so much."
- Four years without herDecember 4, 2019Year 4. Four years without her. How has it been so long?
- July SecondJuly 2, 2019Four years ago I got news that changed my being forever. Before I knew Ella's name or gender, I knew that she would not live.
- Arley Hafer, Age 2 days.April 14, 2019One hundred and one years before our family knew Ella, her great great uncle lived for two days.
- Year ThreeDecember 1, 2018I am changed. There is a time before Ella and a time since Ella.
- This is How I Love My DaughterSeptember 2, 2018I make soap. With my soap, I make connections. And hopefully, through those connections, Ella and I make some differences.
- Smiles from EllaDecember 13, 2017There are times when Iris looks at me with wisdom in her eyes and I know beyond knowing that she is bringing me smiles from Ella.
- Her Name Is Ella (Listen to Your Mother 2017 Reading)May 10, 2017I have a daughter. Her name is Ella.
- I Have Wisdom, Too!March 30, 2017I know that these babies are old souls. I believe we return to experience life again and again.
- Your Stairway Lies on the Whispering WindFebruary 17, 2017It was perfect; just how I'd imagined. It was as if she placed it there and led us to it.
- Switching PlacesFebruary 10, 2017He was surprised and smiling! The babies had COMPLETELY switched positions.
- DecemberDecember 1, 2016Ella was here. I have a daughter in heaven. And I say her name every day.
- Ella's NameOctober 29, 2016Ella means Light. And I found her in all my darkness.
- Erin Baldwin reading "Ella Was Here"April 29, 2016Erin Hamilton reading "Ella Was Here"
Words I carry
- In quiet peace and in raging chaos.
- They offer phrases that fit in their mouths but not in my chest.
- It will tear you apart, and yet you will remain.
- Some days the world feels unbearably ordinary.
- You will be okay. You will be different, but you will be okay.