On Bereaved Mother's Day, A Letter to My Daughter

On Bereaved Mother's Day
A Letter to my Daughter

I dream of you. Whether or not I'm asleep, I dream of you. Thank you for the privilege of loving you. There are moments, days, I find myself deep in contempt for the world that goes on without you. I am constantly and keenly mindful of your absence, yet the world remains unaware of the beauty that's woven through everything, that shines and lingers because you were here. I take every opportunity to tell it of the precious girl who brought extraordinary love and who left rainbows in her wake.

Thank you for the honor of being your mother. I will spend the rest of my life looking for ways to mother you and finding ways to live for you. Being your mother has given me so much. There are no gifts that I received from your death, but there are so many gifts that have been a result of your life.

My love and my pain are intertwined, but they are distinguishable. A letter to the universe, to the God who took you from me, may read of my despair, my enduring fight to move forward in this life, my unending brokenness, and my hatred of the unfairness of it all.

To you, my love, I say thank you for the capacity to see beyond what I'd ever imagined. Thank you for teaching me patience and pause. Thank you for letting me find you everywhere I look for you.

Thank you for choosing me.

Thank you for trusting me to be your mother;
   it is my life-long pleasure.

All my love forever, across the universes and through the end of time,
Mom